“Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe.” – Mark 11:24
I’ve been struggling lately. With a lot of things. And as a result of my struggles I feel like my prayer has been struggling a bit too. In my heart I know that God is still here – he hasn’t forsaken me, he hasn’t turned his back on me…yet I can hear the desperation and frustration in my voice when I cry out to God, “Why is this happening? Why aren’t you giving me what I ask?”
I read a devotion the other morning that spoke about prayer. Specifically, praying with faith. Faith that God will answer. Faith so strong that when you pray you can thank God for the answer before he’s given it to you. And I realized that I don’t often do that. I know that God will bring me through my trials and I will come out the other side unscathed, but all too often when I pray there’s that little niggling voice in the back of my head saying, “but what if it doesn’t happen? What if I’m not praying for the right thing? What if the answer isn’t what I want? What if what if what if?” And I’m sucked into this vortex of second guessing and anxiety and fear and not so much peace.
George Mueller said, “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of faith is the end of anxiety.” Oh, how I long to live my life with a faith so strong that there is no anxiety in my heart!
My Day Nine Eats:
Breakfast, 0645: It may not look like much, but breakfast today was a hamburger patty, topped with spicy mustard, then a healthy dollop of (what else?) leftover chili, and then an egg fried inside a sweet pepper ring! Don’t worry, we’re finally out of chili so I’ll spare you any more unappetizing pictures, but I’m pretty impressed with how many different ways we used up the leftovers! This breakfast was pretty simple, yet the meat and the eggs made it super filling! Probably could have used more veggies this morning, but we’ll let that slide.
Lunch, 1130: Since Kevin and I were both home for lunch today we took stock of our fridge and ran with what we could find. I had a grilled chicken thigh and leftover roast veggies from last night’s dinner, and Kevin topped a hamburger patty with mango salsa and avocado and sauteed a bag of frozen vegetables in some coconut oil. Easy day!
Dinner, 1830: I was on my own for dinner and wanted to do something a little different, so I pulled out a ton of vegetables and whipped up my favorite lazy girl’s dinner – a stir-fry! I sauteed shallots, yellow squash, carrots, cauliflower, bell peppers and snap peas, tossed it with some vietnamese fish sauce, and added diced cooked chicken at the end. Normally I prefer my stir-fry with shrimp, but we haven’t been able to find any good quality shrimp that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg and so I’ve had to make do without. The grilled chicken substitute was pretty darned good though, and I think between lunch and dinner I made up for my lack of vegetables at breakfast!
Day Nine Overall: Meh. Crazy headache that didn’t go away all day. I’ll leave it at that. (Still no cravings though, which is starting to make me wonder if I’m not sneaking junk food in my sleep?)